My *Mostly* Positive Birth Story

Let me clear the air. This is not a “my birth was a dream” delivery story. It is raw and real, with a deeper look at the good, the bad, and the ugly from my first birth experience.

The Key Facts to Know In Advance:

• It was a hospital birth
• I was induced (at least kind of, but more on that later)
• I had an epidural
• Both my baby and I remained healthy during and post-birth

Approaching My Due Date

Like many women, I was extremely nervous and thrilled as my due date approached. This would be my first birth experience, and I was so excited to meet my baby. And, being honest, I was pretty done with being pregnant. I swore my stomach looked like it had dropped, and 90% of the women at my baby shower had guessed the baby would come early. But as luck would have it, my daughter did not make an early arrival.

Due Date Day

On my official due date, my OB checked me and stated I was dilated to a 0.5. In retrospect, I honestly think the doctor was being nice and trying to give me hope by not just saying I was at a 0 and closed up like a clam, but I digress. She told me that in two days I’d need to go for a follow-up appointment at the hospital where I planned to deliver. Assuming I hadn’t given birth by that point, I’d need to complete a non-stress test and an ultrasound to check on the baby. 

At this point, it was clear that my baby was on her own schedule, and I would just have to wait and see what the week would bring.

2 Days Later: The Day of the Non-Stress Test

2 days later and my baby was still nice and cozy in the womb. I’m grateful she was a very active baby, so I wasn’t very nervous about her health, and she passed the test with flying colors. For context, a non-stress test is where they monitor the baby’s movements and heart rate, as well as the number of contractions you have during the testing period. Next came the ultrasound, where the technician measured the fluid levels around the baby. She said that my fluid levels were measuring low and she’d need to contact my doctor for next steps. She made a call and told me the doctor wanted me to be admitted to the labor and delivery ward. I was sent upstairs to the unit and told I’d be given more information there. 

Arriving at the Delivery Ward

When I went upstairs, a receptionist was waiting to help me complete my paperwork. I was told the doctor would speak to me once I was admitted. This is the moment I should have spoken up and begun advocating for myself and asking for answers, rather than passively following along. However, I assumed they knew best and followed all of the instructions as they swept me into the wing and set me up in a room. Nurses hustled about, checking my vitals and getting me situated in the room. When I asked questions, they deflected and told me only the doctor could tell me what to expect next. After what felt like forever (but was probably only 20 minutes), the doctor came into the room. With a glance at me, he declared that, based on my chart, which said I wasn’t dilated during the visit on my due date two days prior, they would start me on a cervical ripening drug.

At this point, no one completed a cervical check, and I was not presented with alternative options. I also was not given more information regarding the amniotic fluid levels or why they were concerning. The doctor simply explained that my cervix needed to thin before they could take any further steps.

He then explained that for some women, the drug sent them into labor, but others had to have more steps once their cervix was ripened. They’d start me on the drug, which I would receive a dose of every 4 hours for 24 hours or until I went into labor (if labor occurred before the 24-hour mark). He also stated that if I had more than 3 contractions in 10 minutes, they would need to stop the drug until my body regulated itself. After this point, he left the room. The drug they intended to give me was Cytotec, and it is also known as Misoprostol.

Like any sane person in the 21st century, I turned to Google after my nurses had given me as much insight as they could provide. What I found was scary. The drug was used for cervical ripening, but it was also used in early pregnancy as an abortion drug. The list of potential risks and side effects was intimidating, but these were only common in large doses of the drug, and I’d only receive a very small amount, according to my nurses. I should also note that this doctor was not my standard OB-GYN, but rather another partner who worked out of the same practice.

Making My Decision

In the end, I chose to go along with the presented plan. In my mind, what else could I do? I wasn’t a doctor or nurse, I had no medical experience, and I was concerned about the health of my unborn child. So at 4 pm on a Thursday, I took the first dose of Cytotec orally.

At this stage, I had no pain medication in my system and was planning to only take medicine if or when the pain levels reached a point where I needed them. Everything was going well following the first dose, and at 8 pm, it was time for my second dose. I was experiencing some minor contractions but barely feeling them. However, following the 2nd dose, things began to change, and the pain became much worse.

By 10 pm, I began asking about the pain medication options. The nurses told me I couldn’t get an epidural unless I was at least 3 cm dilated, and the only thing they could offer was liquid IV medication. Since I knew the IV medication would cross the placenta and reach my daughter, I felt very hesitant about taking it. Yet my pain and contractions grew stronger by the minute, with my body feeling like it was going into overdrive. As I tracked the contractions, I recognized that I was contracting more than 3 times in 10 minutes. I remembered the doctor saying that if this many contractions occurred, I could not take the next dose of the cervical ripening drug.

So as the pain ratcheted up and midnight approached, I asked my nurse for a dilation check so I could get an epidural. When the nurse checked (and it was very painful to be checked), she said I was still at a 0. I was shocked. With so many contractions and so much discomfort and pain, how could I still be at a 0? After receiving that information, I broke down and asked for the IV medicine. 

Finally Getting a Chance to Rest

I didn’t know what to expect from the IV medicine, but it certainly wasn’t drowsiness. And yet, it felt like a deep weight had settled on me, making my senses dull and my body heavy and tired. I could still feel the pain, but it was like a heavy curtain was closed between the pain and my mind. It dampened the hurt but did not entirely eliminate it. Regardless, I was immensely grateful for the shift, because the pain had become staggering. I think it also helped that they waited to administer my 3rd dose of the cervical ripening drug, which was originally due at midnight but got postponed because of the number of contractions I was having. 

Taking a Third Dose

Unfortunately for me, the relief and rest wouldn’t last long, because at 1 am, my nurse brought me the 3rd dose. She said my contractions had slowed enough that they felt safe starting it back up again. By 2 am, the pain had broken through the haze the IV drugs had provided, and I was counting down the minutes until I could get my second dose of pain medication. The IV pain medicine could be administered every 3 hours, so at 3 am, I called the nurse to the room asking for my next round. I’d normally be embarrassed to call in a nurse and rush to get more pain medicine, but it was like each round of cervical drug medicine built upon the last, and with it, the pain grew and grew.

It took her time to get the IV medicine and administer it, but once she finally did, I sat back waiting for the numbness to creep back in and reduce the pain, BUT IT NEVER DID. It was as if I simply hadn’t received a 2nd dose of pain medicine.  The pain and contractions continued to come like waves without a break in sight. 

Have you ever had a charley horse cramp? Well, that’s the type of cramp I started having, but on the front of my thighs, and simultaneously. It was horrible. 

When the nurse returned to check my progress, I remember barely being able to speak or answer coherently. I had to keep pausing to breathe (and let’s be real – curse) through my pain. It must have been obvious that something seemed wrong because she told me she wanted to check my dilation. So, at approximately 3:30 am, she checked and said she thought I was about 3 cm, but she wanted another nurse’s opinion. Next, a different nurse came and checked, stating I seemed closer to 5 cm, but that either way, I could get the epidural if I wanted it.

Receiving an Epidural

Let me tell you, I jumped at getting the epidural! Thankfully, the staff members moved quickly, and I received an epidural by 4 or 4:30 am. My husband had to leave the room for the actual needle insertion, but I barely felt any pain. I honestly don’t know if they numbed me before inserting it, but everything paled in comparison to the agony I was experiencing from the contractions. 

When I wrote my birth plan weeks before my intended due date, I had always been open to receiving an epidural if I needed it. I had hoped to have a completely natural birth without any medical interventions, but since I was already being induced, any remaining concerns melted away.

With the epidural, the pain transformed into intense pressure that I could feel but breathe and speak through. It made the remainder of my labor manageable and kept the experience mostly positive.

Preparing to Push

As if someone had hit the fast-forward button, before I knew it, I was at 10 cm and being told to start pushing. This was at about 6 am, and I was shocked because the nurse was telling me to push with just her and my husband in the room. When I asked about the doctor, she said he would join us once I was closer to delivering the baby. So just like that, I started the pushing part of the birth experience.

With my husband on one side and the nurse on the other, I focused on bearing down and pushing. The nurse watched a screen where she could monitor my contractions and the baby’s heartbeat. Using what she saw on the screen, she counted and told me when to push. I didn’t enjoy this method because I could still feel the pressure in my body indicating contractions and it felt like I was going against my body’s natural instincts and timing with pushing.

For a while, I followed her lead, then I questioned the timing, and she told me that her timing was best because she was following the contractions on the monitor. Soon after, I asked to sit up (she had my bed reclined so I was lying almost flat), and she told me no, that being reclined was the easiest angle for the baby to move through my body to be delivered. I felt frustrated, but kept pushing and following her lead.

Soon after, I tried sitting up again, but she held her hand on my shoulder to keep me from sitting up. It was infuriating because her comments went against the information I had read online and even my mom’s personal experience that she had shared. Even though I wanted to listen to my body, I felt stuck, unheard, and dismissed.

Since I was actively pushing throughout this battle, I continued to calmly listen to her guidance and follow her cues. After a while, the doctor entered the room. He examined the situation and, after sitting and watching me push for a while, he offered me an episiotomy. I was shocked hearing him suggest it, since the nurses in my birth preparation class had said it was uncommon. However, he declared that I would almost definitely tear during childbirth. I declined straight away, because I felt whatever tear I might have would not be as severe as an episiotomy. 

Giving Birth to Our Beautiful Baby Girl

At 7 am, there was a shift change, and I was assigned a new nurse. The new nurse sat me up and let me lead. In only a few short minutes following the shift change, my baby was born. Hearing her cry and feeling her in my arms was one of the best moments of my life, and I will treasure that meeting forever. She was healthy, I was healthy, and we had finally made it to this monumental moment.

Delivering My Placenta

As my husband and I cherished those moments with my daughter, my body prepared to deliver the placenta. It suddenly occurred to me that the nurse told me the epidural strength was attached to a button and I could press the button to administer a dose, but that there was a limit between doses. Since I hadn’t been pressing the button, I looked around for it and said I wanted to press it in preparation for the placenta delivery, but the nursing staff informed me that they’d removed the epidural entirely already. I was in shock and had no choice but to deliver the placenta with only whatever leftover medication was lingering in my body at that point.

Thankfully, the placenta was much easier, and I had my beautiful baby to focus on, so everything else was a blur around me. Before I knew it, we were being moved to a new room for recovery. The birth was complete, we had become parents, and now it was time for us to move into the next stage of our journey.

Reflecting on My Birth Story

Thinking back on my birth story has led me to recognize the many ways this delivery experience was a bumpy ride. There were many highs and lows, and I am incredibly grateful to be standing here today as the mother of a happy and healthy child. While this labor might not be a cheery display of childbirth, I am happy to share it and recognize that it was a mostly positive birth experience.

I hope this candid depiction offers expecting mothers insight into what they could expect when they are giving birth. Every woman’s journey will differ, but I can say you must advocate for yourself or have someone with you who can advocate on your behalf. Even well-intentioned medical providers can lead you down a path you’re not comfortable with. Creating a birth plan can help provide direction to those caring for you and ultimately lead you to a more positive birth experience.