12 Things I’ve Learned in My First 12 Months as a Parent

Sometimes the best lessons are learned through experience. In my case, being a new mom has opened my eyes and taught me many new lessons. While I’d like to say I had it figured out from the beginning, the truth is that I am constantly learning and adapting to all of the changes parenthood brings.

So without further delay, let me share with you the 12 things I’ve learned in my first 12 months as a new parent.

1. No amount of reading, talking, or video watching truly prepares you for parenting.

Well-meaning friends and parents will offer you advice and share their favorite books and resources. You’ll likely spend some time conducting your own research and asking questions. You may even attend a parenting class or demonstration. All of these things have some level of merit, but the fact remains that eventually theory has to become practice.

When that time comes, you’ll be hit with the astounding knowledge that nothing truly prepares you for parenting. No amount of reading allows you to comprehend the roller coaster of emotions you’ll encounter in that first month. Everything from the joy of birth to the fear that has you listening for their breathing. Or the bone-deep wearyness that lives inside you as you wake every 2 hours, day after day, to care for your new addition. So do your research and ask your questions, but just know that at some point, you’ll be making that leap, and you will survive the unknown.

2. The small moments are priceless and make the sleepless nights (and days) worth it

As an outsider, it’s easy to laugh at the parents who gasp in amazement every time their child does something new. But when it’s your own baby, you suddenly understand the goofy grins. There is nothing as exciting as watching your child grow and develop. New life is a wonderful thing, so remember to celebrate the small moments. They are priceless, and they are the best motivators during the long days and nights that are common during the newborn stage.

3. Take new parenting tips with a grain of salt.

Ultimately, you’ll learn about parenting simply by being a parent. You’ll find yourself adjusting your strategies daily and researching every little detail as your baby grows and develops. It took me a while to grasp, but I realized eventually you need to lean into instinct and not let other people’s opinions rule the way you parent. After all, every child is different.

4. Remember to prioritize self-care.

The phrase “you can’t pour from an empty cup” has never felt more true than since I became a mom. So many moms become the primary parent and, in turn, take on a larger portion of the child-rearing. Self-care is so crucial as a parent because you now have someone relying on you.

You can’t take a sick day as a parent, so take the time you need to stay healthy. Prioritize showering, eating, and staying hydrated. Your entire family will benefit when you take time for yourself.

5. Having a “village” makes a world of difference.

I give so much credit to all the people out there caring for babies without a support system. The phrase “It takes a village” really feels so accurate in this stage of life. If you are reading this before giving birth, I recommend taking time to build a support system. Having people to help (especially during those first few months) can be such a game-changer.

I am so grateful to my parents who live nearby and are willing to lend a hand, because it makes the challenges that inevitably come with any major life change much more manageable.

6. Social media lies, so enjoy the chaos.

It’s easier said than done, but so much of social media is a lie. Instead of beating yourself up about not having a tidy house or the perfect morning routine, take a deep breath. In my experience, chaos goes hand in hand with parenting. Some days may go smoothly, and other days will be exhausting and disastrous.

You are caring for a whole new person while also balancing all of the normal day-to-day chores. Give yourself some grace and tackle one day at a time.

7. Every child has their own personality.

Maybe you’ve babysat or even helped raise your siblings. If you’re lucky, some of your prior experiences will translate and add value to your parenting repertoire. But, for better or worse, that’s not always the case.

Every child really does have their own personality. Whether you believe in nature versus nurture, I think it’s important to remember there’s only so much you can control and to embrace all of your child’s quirks. Maybe they love to smile and laugh, maybe they are shy and thoughtful, either way, they are unique and wonderful in their own ways. Don’t let comparison steal your joy as a parent.

8. Take pictures because time is flying.

Wow, it sounds cliche, but the time does go by fast. One day, they are tiny and wrinkly and can’t lift their head without help. Next, they pull themselves up and try to stand or even walk. While it’s important to be present and in the moment, a picture does help to capture the memory. Lucky for us, most people can record a video with the quick press of a button and then cherish those scenes for years to come.

So I think you should take all of the pictures. Most people will regret not taking more, but few will say they regret taking too many.

9. It’s never too early to start baby proofing.

When it comes to baby proofing, you always think you’ll have more time than you really do. One of my biggest nesting regrets is that I didn’t prioritize baby proofing earlier. Instead, I had to baby-proof as my daughter became more mobile, and I just know it could have been much easier if I hadn’t procrastinated.

In my mind, it only takes one accident for a serious injury to occur; it makes more sense to baby-proof early and take those stresses off your plate.

10. Your child is watching – you are their primary role model.

Babies and toddlers really are sponges. As their parent, you are their 1st friend, teacher, and role model. So remember that your actions and words are guiding and shaping them.

Do you like how you were raised? Are you happy with the person you are today? Do you have generational trauma haunting you?

The answers to these questions can help guide how you parent. However, like most things, your actions speak louder than words.

11. I know much less than I thought I did, and my kid makes me want to be the best version of myself.

Parenting is a humbling experience. When I was 16, I thought I had life figured out. Now, over a decade later, I’ve come to realize how little I know. Recognizing that I have a lot left to learn could have been a depressing experience, but my family makes me want to be a better person.

A wise man once told me: It’s hard to make changes for yourself, but making them for the ones you love is often much easier.

12. Take time to celebrate the small and big wins and know that tomorrow is a new day.

Maybe your child will reach each developmental milestone on time, or maybe they won’t. These moments are fleeting, so instead of worrying too much about the future, take some time to enjoy the present.

Celebrate the 1st time your child does something new. Cherish the babbling and cooing. Eventually, they will talk and walk, and you’ll have new milestones to be excited about, but you’ll look back and a small part of you will be sad knowing that this chapter is closed forever and you can never truly get it back. Remember and celebrate all of the wins and funny moments because this journey is once in a lifetime.

In conclusion, these are 12 of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my 1st 12 months of being a parent. I’ve undoubtedly learned much more than just these things, but they have been some of the most impactful lessons to me. While many may seem cliche or cheesy, they are all true. Now I look forward to seeing what the next 12 will bring. What lessons has parenthood taught you?